timing is everything
by shel
Summary: phoebe casts a spell that produces unexpected results...
1. part one faith

CHARMED

**"Timing is Everything"**

by shel

© september 2005

_disclaimer: the charmed ones, cole, and leo, and the rest of the cast of characters we've come to know and love, belong to spelling television, inc. and possible other copyright holders. i intended no true infringement on their copyrights; i only wanted to borrow these marvelous characters for a short time in my own scenarios and hopefully return them no worse for wear; the only things i've gained from this story are the satisfaction and pleasure of having written it and in knowing that others may have enjoyed it too…_

_rating: pg-13_

_summary: phoebe casts a spell that produces unexpected consequences…_

_timeline: two months after the final events of season 7's finale – "something wicca this way goes"_

_archive: please don't without expressed permission…_

_notes: there are references to events from: season 7's 'witchness protection,' season 2's 'morality bites,' season 3's 'power outage,' and season 5's 'the importance of being phoebe,' and 'centennial charmed'… please let me know if you enjoyed my tale and why and, if not, why not…and, please, don't bother wasting your time or mine by sending any flames…_

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**_Part One - Faith_**

Phoebe sat at her window seat and smiled from the happy shrieking sounds of the boys receiving their bath. Normally, she'd have volunteered to give Piper a break and do bath-time herself but she wasn't up for it tonight. The melancholy came back today, the sadness that would spring on her when something unexpectedly reminded her of her former life. Today it was the column in the paper. Her column.

She stared at the folded newspaper in her lap and sighed. At least Elise was able to get Leslie to come back. He had known her well enough to ghostwrite for her so it was only fair he be given first shot at permanently filling her position. He'd do right by her and by her readers. But somehow that didn't make her feel better. Somehow she still felt as if she'd failed them…herself.

She pinched the bridge of her nose in an effort to stop the tears before they formed. _'I want it back. I want the column back. I want my life back. I shouldn't but I do.'_ She was halfway through the summer and hadn't done much but sit around and watch the kids for Piper. She loved the boys to death but they couldn't help her figure out what she wanted to do next. Thanks to their new ID's, both Paige and Piper were already moving ahead, quite eagerly and quite happily. _'I'm the one still stuck in limbo. I don't know what I want in my new life and I don't know how to let go of my old one. I don't know what I'm supposed to do.'_

Sure, Piper and Paige still weren't completely used to their new physical appearances but at least they seemed better adjusted to their new lives. The chance for a fresh start held such appeal to them and it should have to her. But it didn't. _'My past made me who I am, how can I pretend it never happened? How can I simply create a new past for myself? I feel like such a fraud.'_

Phoebe had spent a lot of time in the library and on the Internet searching for articles on the Witness Relocation Program. She'd hoped to find some sort of first-person account of someone who could relate to what she was going through. But the whole point of witness relocation was to hide yourself and she didn't have much luck at finding support. She'd been tempted to write to her own column for advice on how to cope but knew that would be disastrous. She'd thought of calling for Kyle who might've had some experience in the FBI with the program but rejected that idea in fear of the Elders discovering their deception.

She gazed out the window and wondered if the Elders'd ever had a clue what sacrifice the destiny of the Charmed Ones actually entailed. She let out a bitter snort and acknowledged the Elders didn't have a clue and that, if they did, they probably didn't care. _'All for the greater good. That's the lesson we learned…over and over…the hard way.'_

Suddenly, her bedroom door flew open and into her room ran a very wet and naked little boy. "Wyatt," she laughed as she got up and scooped him into her arms, "did you run away from Mommy again?"

"Wyatt Matthew Halliwell, you come back here this instant!"

"I've got him!" Phoebe rubbed noses with her nephew and giggled, "C'mon, kiddo, we'd better get you ba--"

"There you are!" Piper interrupted when she entered the room carrying Chris.

"It's okay, I've got him," Phoebe assured her sister, trying not to chuckle at her sister's own wet locks. "You sure the boys were the only ones having a bath?"

"Cute," Piper glared at her.

"Tell you what," she offered, "I'll get Wyatt all dried off for you and into his jammies."

"You don't mind?" Piper questioned with relief. "Because I'd love to get started on that petit four order."

"If you can put Chris down," Phoebe agreed, "I'll take care of the little bathtub monster here."

"No monster," Wyatt giggled and squirmed when his belly was tickled.

"Thanks, Pheebs," Piper sighed with a smile before she left the room. "Come keep me company when you're done."

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Piper eyed her younger sister who had been much too quiet of late. She knew Phoebe was still having trouble adjusting to their new lives and was trying to give her sister some breathing room but she was beginning to wonder if she could help Phoebe at all. If only Phoebe didn't seem so sad. "Are they that bad?"

Startled from her thoughts, Phoebe sat up straight at the island counter. "Sorry?"

Piper placed her spatula down and said, "You haven't tried to sneak even one cookie. Everything okay?"

"Sure," Phoebe smiled and, as if to prove her point, took a lick from the bowl of cookie dough batter.

But Piper wasn't convinced and put her hands on her hips, "Pheebs, it's me. Piper? I'm your big sister and I know you better than anyone. There's something bothering you. Talk to me."

Phoebe licked her finger before she stood and walked to the sink to wash her hands. "You've gotta get out of the habit of using my name, all our names."

"You know we've protected this house," Piper reminded her. "No one can sneak in. Hell no one can listen in without tripping the amulets we've set up to guard us."

"Magic's a wonderful thing," Phoebe mused with more than a bit of irony. "But what if you slip when we're in public? You can't take the chance of someone overhearing and reporting back that we're alive."

Piper returned to forming cookies on a fresh sheet and sighed, "You're right. I guess some days there are moments when I forget that it's all different." She looked around the room, "This house is so much like our old one and sometimes…when it's just us…"

"I know," Phoebe quietly agreed. "But it has changed and we've got to be more careful in public or everything we did in vanquishing Zankou will have been for nothing."

"And the cycle of violence will start all over again," Piper continued. "I know. Is that what's worrying you, that we'll lose our normal lives if someone discovers that the Charmed Ones are still alive?"

"The Charmed Ones are still alive," Phoebe exclaimed before sadly apologizing, "don't mind me, it's been a long day, it's so hot out, even now, and I'm tired."

"It's not just that, is it? I read the column," Piper prodded. "It was good. If I hadn't known it was someone else, I'd've thought you wrote it." Phoebe didn't say anything and Piper dropped what she was doing in order to give her sister a hug. "I'm sorry, Pheebs. Out of the three of us, you're the one who lost the most when you lost your career in our new lives."

"That's not true…"

Piper smiled at her sister's lie and gently pushed her sister back. "Yeah, it is." She tucked a long loose strand of hair behind Phoebe's ear, "I don't have to be Piper Halliwell to get back into catering while I still get the income from the club through Dad's special account without the day-to-day hassle of running it. And Paige had already pretty much left the administration of Magic School and is free to find a new outlet for her skills."

Phoebe turned back to the bowl of cookie dough. "Which she's doing by going into teaching…"

But Piper didn't want to drop the conversation and prevented Phoebe from dipping into the batter. "But you lost your column, something you'd built into the success it was, and even with our new identities, it's not something you can get back."

"It's just the heat," Phoebe assured her sister, "I'll be fine in the morning, you'll see."

"Maybe we should've relocated to a different city," Piper suggested. "Maybe you wouldn't be having such a hard time if we were in a totally new environment without any of the daily reminders of our old lives."

Phoebe shook her head and insisted, "San Francisco is home, no matter what I look like or what I'm called. I'll be okay. Besides, I've got that interview lined up for tomorrow so, who knows, maybe by this time tomorrow night, I'll have a new career to call my own."

"You're terrific with kids," Piper proudly told her. "They'd be crazy not to want you at the center."

"I don't have a degree in education," Phoebe reminded her, "so there's only so much I can do."

"You'll nail this interview," Piper smiled, "I've got faith in you, Pheebs." When Phoebe smiled, a bit too brightly, in return and left the kitchen, Piper softly added, "You just have to have faith in yourself."

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	2. part two hope

_**Part Two - Hope**_

Phoebe kicked off her shoes and shrugged out of her jacket. The interview had gone about as she had expected. Without the degree or experience, in this day and age, not even a daycare center would hire her. _'But if I ever want to volunteer there for a day or two, they'd be glad to have me.'_ Too bad volunteering doesn't help pay the bills. _'Why'd they even bother interviewing me?'_ She hated this feeling of rejection, no matter how much it wasn't made against her personally. She stretched her arms high before sighing. Four years ago she'd been in the same position of pounding the pavement in search for a job. Back then it was magic that hampered her efforts. But magic wasn't an issue now so what was stopping her? With the ability to choose anything she wanted, why couldn't she think of a single job that would excite her?

As she sat cross-legged on her bed, she considered the fact that maybe it was for the best she didn't get this job. Maybe being surrounded by so many toddlers and youngsters wasn't a good idea. Not now, anyway. Closing her eyes, she called to mind the image of that little girl she could practically feel in her arms. She clenched her mouth tight and tried not to think that time had just about run out for her daughter to become a reality. Without a man in her life to father that little girl, that future was as hopeless as the one she'd seen where Prue was a workaholic auction house owner. And she didn't know which saddened her more, the loss of her potential child or the fact that she didn't see any relationships beginning for her in the near future. _'How can I even think of meeting a guy if I can't be honest with him about who I am, when I'm not even sure who I am?'_

The 'Ask Phoebe' column mocked her as she stared at the newspaper folded in front of her. Too bad she couldn't call Leslie up and ask him for a date. They'd almost started something when they met, maybe it work. Maybe he was the one. But she shook her head and knew that wasn't the answer. He knew her too well and would see through her no matter how different she looked. She picked up the paper and scanned the letters and answers. From the looks of it, he'd written another great column and provided the readers with advice she, herself, would've given. So her readers were happy. And happy readers meant Elise was happy. And a happy Elise meant Leslie was happy. Everyone was happy.

She tossed the paper aside, got up, and padded across the floor to her dresser. One of the framed photos had been taken a few weeks earlier on July 4th at their outing to the park. It had been their first true outing as their new selves and, despite their initial reluctance to go, they'd all had a fun time. She'd taken over photographer duties and this had been her favorite shot of all. Her sisters, the boys, and Leo all laying on the blanket laughing and unaware they'd been snapped forever in a memory. She ran her finger over their smiling faces. They all looked so happy. _'Because they were, they are,'_ she realized. _'Piper's starting over with her catering, Paige is back in school, Leo has his family and his new career as a handyman, and the boys are safe with their parents. I'm the only one not happy.'_

She left the photo on the dresser and went back to her bed where she grabbed a pillow to hug. "But I don't know how to get happy," she whispered. Did she even remember what being happy was like? When was the last time she'd been happy without having felt the weight of the future on her shoulders? When was the last time she'd been involved with someone and didn't feel pressured into enjoying the moment before it would be taken away? When was the last time she truly felt the joys of falling in love without worrying about the danger surrounding her? Or had she ever felt that way? Were her ideals of love only an illusion? What if she wasn't remembering clearly or accurately?

And with that burst of inspiration, she suddenly knew what to do. "I'll see for myself," she announced to the empty room. "If I can see even one happy time in my past, maybe it'll help me figure out how to move forward." It wasn't personal gain, she reasoned, if she was only trying to learn about her past in order to improve herself. _'I need to grow but I can't without first seeing my past with a clear and objective eye.'_

The only question was how to accomplish the deed. She didn't want to go back in time in order to change it so she didn't require a portal. Besides, she wasn't about to call for the Elders to help create one for her when she and her sisters were hiding from them. No, she merely wanted to be an observer. When Paige had revisited the day her parents had died, she'd needed Clyde's help so that wasn't an option either. "It'll have to be a spell," she decided, "and a Power of Three one at that."

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After a week of working out her plan, Phoebe finally snuck up to the attic in the middle of the night and carefully closed the door behind her. Still not familiar with the creaks of this house, she'd practically tiptoed her way up the stairs so as not to awaken anyone and had wished desperately that she still had her power of levitation. The last thing she needed right now was for one of her sisters to discover that she was up to something, much less a quest like this. Hopefully, if all went as smoothly as it did on paper, she'd be back long before anyone woke for breakfast.

She quickly set about getting the circle of candles in order, making sure there was more than enough space between each one. She tossed several pillows into the center of the circle, wincing when they made a bit more noise than she expected from stuffed fabric. Stepping into the circle, she dropped an envelope and one candle on the pillows and held her breath when the candle nearly bounced off onto the floor. When it didn't, she proceeded to light the ring of candles and settled herself on the cushions.

She set the single candle in front of her and then opened the envelope and withdrew three very thin braids. In order to fill the Power of Three requirement, she lifted some strands of hair from her sisters' brushes; nine from each sister, including herself, with three represented each one's past, present, and future. Now, she filled her mind with thoughts of what she hoped to accomplish in her task and she proceeded to plait each sister's delicate braid into one. Holding it in one hand above the unlit candle, she used her free hand to finally light the candle. As she began to dip the braid into the flame, she recited her spell,

"_Peace and happiness are what I seek_

_For without them, my future is hopelessly bleak._

_Let the Power of Three be my key_

_To unlocking love I wish once again to see."_

Not one of her best, she acknowledged to herself, but after a week of throwing out everything else she'd come up with, she was too anxious to get on with her plan so she settled on using it. As the flame quickly consumed the braid, Phoebe let it drop into the candle and sat back on the pillows and waited. And waited. And waited.

Minute by minute, hour by hour, she waited for the spell to work. But in all that time, not even a puff of smoke was released into the room. Maybe a Power of Three spell couldn't be used without the knowledge and active participation of all three sisters. She sighed with disappointment but still felt compelled to stay within the circle. Making sure her hair was twisted up in a bun, away from the flames, she curled up on the pillows and allowed herself to give in to the sleep she'd begun fighting. And no sooner had she closed her eyes, than Phoebe faded from the room.

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The low moan disturbed her and Phoebe opened her eyes. And promptly shot up as if she'd been on fire. _'How'd I get here?'_ she panicked as she scanned the room from her spot on the sofa. The sight of the distinctive armoire sent shivers down her spine as she accepted the fact that the spell had worked and sent her back to the past, albeit not exactly what she'd expected.

Slowly, she stood and began examining the room, touching the items. And while one part of her remained curious as to how she could feel the objects if she was only supposed to be an observer, another part of her wondered why her spell had sent her back to this point in time. Another moan from within the bedroom caused her to freeze. Could she go in there? Should she? Was she prepared to see him again? What if he was hurt?

She ran into the bedroom and found him tossing on the bed in the throes of a nightmare. "Cole," she whispered. And before she knew it, she was rushing to the bed and gently pushing down on his bare shoulders. "It's only a dream…" But touching him proved too real and she backed away just as quickly. _'I'm an observer, only an observer.'_ She wasn't there to change the past. That wasn't the point of her spell. She was supposed to learn from her past how she could be happy again. And reliving the pain of being with Cole wasn't what she'd intended…or wanted.

Cole stirred and sat up with a start, looking wildly around the room. "Phoebe," he gasped, "what're you doing here?"

"You can see me?" she fearfully wondered. "Are you okay?"

Sweat beaded his forehead and he mumbled, "Nightmare. Same one…again…"

"Want to talk about it?" The words had slipped out before she could stop them and she was ready to shoot herself.

He gazed at her while his heartbeat slowed from its pounding to its more regular rhythm. "Nothing I can't handle," he assured her.

She tried to smile for him, "Go back to sleep. Things'll seem better in the morning." Impulsively, she leaned over and kissed him tenderly on his forehead and whispered, "Sweet dreams…" Without waiting for a reply, she rushed from the room, closing the door behind her. When he didn't come after her, she decided that he probably hadn't been truly awake and had simply gone back to sleep. She sighed with relief that her presence hadn't altered the past. He probably wouldn't even remember in the morning. It would only be a dream to him.

She faced the doorway to the bedroom and frowned. Why hadn't he ever told her about having nightmares? How often had he had them? She'd obviously been sent back to a time before the truth about Belthazor had been revealed. A time when he'd been so secretive but she'd allowed it because she'd wanted to believe in him. She'd fallen in love with him and hoped it would be something that would last. She shook her head at that naïve hope. Seems she'd never learned her lesson, always causing pain by believing the lies, right until the end.

'_Which end was that?'_ she wondered. _'The end when I vanquished him as the Source or the end when he went crazy and paid the ultimate price himself?'_ She sat down on the sofa unsure what to do next. She hadn't returned to the attic so she obviously hadn't found her answer. But what was she waiting for? "What now?"

"Now you explain to me why you came here."

She nearly fell off the couch when he materialized before her. "But that's not possible."

"You think you're the only one who can travel through time?" he taunted.

She stared at him and, from his scruffy appearance, knew from when he'd appeared. She slid off the sofa and backed away towards the door. "Go back, Cole…"

"Not until I learn what I came for," he warned as he stalked closer.

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	3. part three love

_**Part Three - Love**_

Phoebe recognized the look inCole's eyes and flashed back to the last time she'd seen him in the basement. She knew there could be no reasoning with him now and she nearly stumbled backwards into the door. "Go back, Cole…" But when he ignored her, she reached behind for the doorknob and tamped down all temptation to ask how he'd known she would be there when he had long been dead by the time she decided to go back in time, not even knowing where she'd end up. No, she didn't want to know, she wanted to get away as fast as she could. She didn't want to talk to him. Cole was gone forever and she wasn't here to change the past, hers or his. And yet she still found the words escaping her lips, "Go back, Cole, start over. Somewhere far away from me and my family. Go before it's too late."

He cornered her at the door, catching her between his arms that were propped against the door. He ignored the way she stiffened in fear as he bent his head lower and menacingly insisted directly in her ear, "Tell me why you came here. Tell me why you pretended the next day not to remember anything about visiting me in the middle of the night. Tell me why you let me go on with the lies if you already knew the truth about me."

"Because I didn't know," she whispered. "It hadn't happened."

He pulled his head back but didn't let her move, "What do you mean?"

"Time travel," she replied, barely audible. "Look at me," she quietly requested, "I'm not the same woman I was back then."

His anger subsided slightly, "You look exactly as I remember. What are you talking about?"

With a burst of energy, Phoebe ducked under his arms and ran for the bathroom where she gasped at the sight of her reflection. He was right. She looked exactly as she did five years earlier when they'd first met. She touched her hair and her cheeks and couldn't stop the tears as she saw the familiar face she'd been born with but hadn't seen for two months. Her knees buckled and she let herself slide to the floor as she buried her face in her hands and cried.

The sight of her crying was too much for him and Cole quickly knelt next to her and pulled Phoebe into his arms. "It'll be okay," he soothed as he gently rocked her. He cocked an ear towards the bedroom even though he knew his past self was sound asleep again. But he knew the dangers of toying with the past and decided to put a bit more distance between themselves and the bedroom. So he went to the only safe place he knew.

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Phoebe slowly gained control of her emotions and became more aware of the strong arms holding her. Allowing herself just a moment of contentment, she nuzzled his chest before she slowly pulled back. She was surprised by the change in location. She hadn't even felt it happen. She pushed herself from his arms and stood, gazing around the dark mausoleum. "Sorry," she apologized, "I didn't mean to break down like that."

Knowing how Phoebe tended to keep things bottled inside until they exploded, he acknowledged, "I shouldn't have surprised you like that."

"How did you know?"

"The nightmare," he confessed. "Usually, you were asleep when I'd killed you. Sometimes you managed a question or a comment before I ended your life. But not once in the dream did you ever tell me it would be okay in the morning or wish me sweet dreams."

A distant memory suddenly revealed itself as she remembered, "You asked me if I'd paid you a midnight visit and I thought you were kidding. I assured you, you wouldn't be asking if I'd paid you a visit, you would've definitely remembered……That was the day you nearly broke the Power of Three."

"The Triad paid me a visit of their own later that night in order to remind me of my mission," Cole nodded, "and that failure wasn't an option."

"Yet you told me later that you deliberately sabotaged your own plan," she acknowledged. "You couldn't go through with it."

"Because of you," he stated in a tone that was a mixture of regret and sorrow. Would it have all been easier if he had gone through with his plan? Would he have been better off never knowing the pain rediscovering his heart would bring him? "You were so serious," he recalled, "about not being here that I chalked it up to being a variation of the nightmare. But it was the only significant variation and, in the back of my mind, I always wondered about that particular night. And," he shrugged, "now that I have all these powers, I thought it was time to do something useful with them."

"Why now?" she warily asked.

"Because, my dear ex-wife, you've just informed me that you feel absolutely nothing for me," he coldly replied, "and I figured I had nothing left to lose."

Phoebe shivered at the reminder of his assault on the manor and the nexus. "So now you know," she quietly commented. Maybe now he'd leave and she could solve her problem alone.

"I know nothing of the sort," he retorted. "What were you doing here? And make it the truth for once."

"I never lied to you!" she sputtered in outrage.

"Debatable," he stated and stepped closer to her. "Now, I want an answer. Why did you go back in time to see me this night?"

She folded her arms across her chest and walked a few steps away from him. He might know she was from the future but not from when. As far as he knew, she'd traveled back from his own time and she wasn't about to reveal that she was from his future, but one in which he no longer existed. "You hurt me, Cole." And she held up her hand to prevent him from interrupting, "Whether you meant to or not, you hurt me. And I'm feeling very much lost right now. I don't know how to move forward with my life and I cast a spell to remind me of a time when I was happy. I thought if I could relive the moment, I would understand what I need to do to recapture it."

"Do you mean to tell me you couldn't recall a single happy time we shared? You had to pick a night when I had a nightmare about killing you?" This time, his tone didn't hold anger but curiosity. "Why not go back to one of our dates or one of our demon-hunting expeditions or any other one of our moments of our two years together?"

"The spell wasn't geared to a specific event," she shrugged. "This's just where I ended up."

"At least I've learned what I'd wanted to know," he conceded. "Why hasn't your spell played out?"

She shrugged again and couldn't stop the tears. "Dammit…" she muttered. "I'm just so unhappy," she cried to him. "I don't know how to move forward when I can't let go of the past."

"I'm sorry," he quickly apologized as he reached out for her.

She shook her head, "It's not just you. It's me too. I've messed up so many times and I've hurt so many people. I never meant to hurt you, Cole. But there was never any time to react. You just kept coming and coming and I started fighting back the only ways I knew how. I didn't want it to end like that. I swear. And there are times…" She caught herself in time from saying, _'I still miss you.'_

"I know," he admitted, dropping his arms to his sides. "There are times I wish it was different too. I can't change the past, Phoebe. But, maybe, just maybe I can change the future."

That only caused Phoebe to burst into fresh tears as she dashed forward into him. She clung to him and, as his arms slowly encircled her, she tried to press herself closer. _'If only this was real.'_ Shocked by that wish, Phoebe stiffened.

"Phoebe?"

She meant it, she realized. She really did wish this wasn't some visit to the past, that he would somehow be waiting for her when she returned. She looked up at him and sniffled. She missed him. That's the loss she kept feeling. The love she felt for him, that they felt for each other. She silently caressed his cheek. Their love had been so powerful and its intensity was what had been missing from all her other relationships after he was gone. Drake...Drake was the only one who had probably come closest to capturing what she'd had with Cole and maybe if he hadn't died…

Cole placed his hand on top of hers and slowly brought it to his lips, never averting his gaze from her eyes. Something had changed within her. He saw it in her eyes, felt it in her touch. She had discovered her answer and, before the spell would send her back, he wanted to take advantage of it. He needed to. And when she didn't pull her hand free, he seized the opportunity and bent his head to find her lips.

And Phoebe found herself responding to his desire. But it scared her and she struggled to free herself.

"I swear it'll be different," he promised her. "When we get back, I'll give you the space you want. But, please, don't shut me out, not when we both know this is right. I love you, Phoebe, and I know you love me."

Tears stung her eyes and she shook her head, "I'm not denying th--"

"But nothing..." He gently tugged her back into his arms, pleased when she didn't resist. "Let it go, even if it's just for tonight...please."

Her hands automatically reached up to caress his cheeks even as her head continued to shake in refusal. But the impulse was too great and the desire too overwhelming and Phoebe drew him closer and gave in to their love.

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	4. part four happiness

_**Part Four – Happiness**_

Six months later, as she sat on the bottom step and stared at the picture in her hand, thoughts and images of that magical night filled Phoebe's mind. "Oh, Cole," she murmured, "I never expected my spell to play out like this. I never expected to feel this way at all."

Too happy and relieved to cry, she simply sighed as she recalled the way she and Cole had made love that night on the cold hard cement floor, feeling nothing but love and warmth flowing through them as if they were one. But as tender and gentle as they had been with one another, contrasting the circumstances and environment, she still hadn't been able to say those three little words he'd admitted he knew to be true. "I just couldn't," she whispered regretfully. "I wanted to but the words…the words just wouldn't come and, before I had another chance, I faded from your arms back to the attic."

As if in annoyance, she received a sharp kick to each of her sides, causing her to lean back on her elbows, a few steps up, and still manage to awkwardly rub her belly. "Hey, in there," she chastised, "you're supposed to be taking it easy with me. No more scares, okay?"

This time, the kicks seemed softer, almost conciliatory after her apology, and she smiled as she caressed the little ones nestled inside her. "I love you," she told them, "and I can't wait to meet you in three months." If, she prayed, she managed to carry them full-term. While they hadn't displayed any powers, she still felt surges of energy at times that caused added strain to the pregnancy. The doctor assured her again that she wasn't considered high-risk but, deep down, Phoebe knew the twins' dual magical heritage was affecting her greater than if a mortal human had fathered these children. She closed her eyes and practiced one of her relaxation breathing techniques. All things considered, this miracle pregnancy had been relatively problem-free and, for that, she was immensely grateful and she prayed, once again, that it continued to stay that way.

If only she didn't still find herself experiencing those bouts of sadness. Sadness that, despite her utter joy at becoming pregnant, she couldn't share the father's identity with anyone. Sadness that, despite being on the verge of having her premonition become a reality, her children would never know their father. Sadness that, despite being Phoebe Halliwell once again and back at work with her own advice column, she still felt as if she was hiding a part of herself. "It's as if I traded one happiness for another," she lamented.

She had rediscovered her love for Cole only to lose him when the spell played out. And now she was pregnant with his children but unable to share the news with him because he no longer existed in this world for her to even call for his spirit. Their one-night encounter hadn't changed his fate and he would never know its unexpected wonderful outcome. At these thoughts, tears began to trickle down her cheeks and, absurdly, she was amused by the thought that, this time, she didn't have to blame hormones as an excuse for her tears.

She lightly traced circles on her belly and she sniffled. She could not get past the fact that Cole would never know about his children growing inside her. He would never know them, period. It's part of the reason why she came to the mausoleum, especially today. Made all the more harder because it was her first time back since that night six months before but it was something she needed to do. She needed to feel that she told him even if it wouldn't be real. She needed the dream. She wiped away another tear. _'Will there always be a price to pay for my happiness?'_

Her cell phone rang, echoing in the empty chamber, and she fished it out of her bag. Without checking the number displayed, she greeted, "Hi, Piper."

"Where are you? I've been getting worried, you've been gone so long. You should've let me come with you. How'd it go at the doctor?"

Phoebe didn't know whether to be annoyed or amused by Piper's obvious frustration with her. She glanced at the sonogram still clenched in her hand and smiled, "Both Baby Girl and Baby B are fine. No, I don't know if it's another girl, my blood pressure's a little high, and the doctor wants me to keep my feet up but she hasn't restricted me to bed so, yes, I can still go to work tomorrow but not necessarily the charity auction tomorrow night. It'll all depend on how I feel."

"You were supposed to come straight home and rest."

"I had an errand to run," she replied. There was no way she was telling Piper what she was doing.

"The Grants ordered the variety chip cookie mix. I'm about to start on the Double Chocolate Chunk but since you're not here I guess Wyatt and Chris will luck out with the leftovers and they--"

"You're telling me you won't save any for your favorite pregnant sister?" Phoebe sniffed in mock outrage.

"You're my only pregnant sister and…I don't know, I think both Paige and Leo are on their way home already. There may not even be batter left."

"I'm on my way," Phoebe quickly declared. "And there'd better be some left. I'm eating for three, remember?"

"If you promise to follow doctor's orders and stay off your feet, I might be persuaded to save you a treat."

"Piper, you're the bestest," Phoebe swore in her childlike happy voice. She disconnected the call and stared at the sonogram. She then searched through her bag for a pen and hastily wrote her note. Even though he would never read it, it was just one small gift she could give him that made her feel good about her current situation.

She carefully got to her feet and waited a moment for the dizziness to pass before she made her way into the other part of the mausoleum. She kissed the photo before she set it on the marble bier. But, this act of saying goodbye nearly overwhelmed her and, pressing the photo down, she promised herself she wouldn't cry. She caressed her belly and smoothed her top and tried to smile, "I swear they'll grow up to be happy loving individuals with a sense of purpose and an essential part of the magical world. Thank you, Cole, thank you for loving me and for creating with me these two beautiful and precious souls."

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Piper had just finished mixing the batter and was about to add the chocolate chunk bits by hand when, from the corner of her eye, she thought she saw a black spot move. _'Damned spiders…'_ She set down the bag and glanced around for the offending creature. When she didn't find it, she shook her head and grumbled to herself about seeing things. But, just as quickly, she scanned the kitchen again and, for the zillionth time in the past six months, marveled at how much happier she was to be back home in the manor, back as herself again. As wonderful as her anonymous new life had been, she hadn't realized how much she had missed being Piper, being a Halliwell, until they decided to return to their own lives.

In a way she was grateful to Phoebe for it had been her announcement of being pregnant that caused the deliberation of whether or not to remain in their new identities or return to their old ones. Surprisingly, Paige had been the most reluctant to become Paige again. But they had agreed that it would be a unanimous decision without any pressure and had therefore spent two weeks deciding on the pros and cons of staying in their new lives without consulting each other. Only at the end of that time did they sit down and compare notes.

Now, six months later, both she and Paige were rediscovering themselves and, with their new experiences of normal life, found a balance that made them happier than they'd been for months before they'd "died." _'And, Phoebe, she's simply glowing.'_ Piper smiled as she thought of her younger sister and added extra chunks to the batter before crinkling the bag with annoyance. _'Why's she still keeping the father a secret? She promised that she knows who it is and that she hadn't been hurt or attacked so how bad could it be? Why can't she trust us enough to tell us the truth?' _

Suddenly realizing she was taking out her frustration on the chocolate chunks, Piper took a deep breath to calm herself. _'I suppose the only important thing is that Phoebe and the babies remain healthy and happy. Besides, Phoebe's always telling us that 'It's not like the father's going to show up anyway' so I suppose I should stop worrying and nagging her about it.'_

"What the hell is this?"

Startled, Piper spun and nearly blew him up. "Cole, what the hell are you doing sneaking up on me like that!" She then anxiously scanned the floor of the room, "Oh God, I'm not dead again am I?"

"You might be," he warned, "if you don't explain this. I get that Phoebe's no longer lost and liable to end up in limbo with me but what kind of game is she playing rubbing my nose in it?"

"What are you talking about?" she snapped. "And how'd you get out of limbo?"

"Don't worry," he frowned, "it's only temporary. Now explain this." He shoved the picture he was holding at her. "What the hell is that?"

"It's a sonogram," she replied automatically. But after reading Phoebe's simple phrase of wishing Cole a happy birthday, everything suddenly clicked for Piper. "Oh, Pheebs, what the hell have you done?" she whispered.

"Why the hell would I want to see a picture of Phoebe's child with someone else?" Cole spun from her and began to stalk the room back and forth, "I know I wanted her to believe in love again. Hell, I practically shoved Drake at her, set you up, but it's not like I wanted to see it. Especially not after that night. Dammit, I thought she'd changed that night! What the hell made her write this, treat me like this?"

"She didn't know you'd read it!" Piper snapped. "She doesn't know you still exist!"

Taken aback, Cole froze and questioned, "You didn't tell her about limbo?"

"I told her about it but not about you. All I said was that an old friend had helped me." She caught his expression soften towards her and her own anger drained away leaving her momentarily wondering if her decision not to tell Phoebe about him had been a mistake. "How'd this happen?" she groaned.

"The usual way I suppose," he grumbled. "Is she okay?" he reluctantly asked. "I mean with the baby?"

She stared at the sonogram and softly said, "You didn't look carefully, Cole." She handed it back to him and nearly smiled by his confusion. "There are two babies there."

"And that's supposed to make me feel better?" he retorted before forcing himself to look at the picture. He stared at the images and thought of his beautiful Phoebe. Maybe they would look just like her. "Twins…" He looked back at Piper and added, "She's probably thrilled. Is he good to her? Does this guy make her happy?"

"It would seem so," she uttered as she realized that Cole had no idea he was the father. "Listen, Cole, there's something you should know about Phoebe. She --"

"Piper! I'm home! You'd better still have some cookies for me!"

"You," Piper grabbed the sonogram from his hand and jabbed Cole in the chest, "stay here!"

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Phoebe had just hung her coat on the hook and begun walking toward the kitchen when Piper entered the hallway. She set the bouquet of wildflowers she'd bought for herself on the center table and was surprised by a picture being shoved in her hands.

"Explain this," Piper demanded.

Phoebe paled, "How'd you get this?"

"Is it true?" Piper questioned without truly needing a reply. She saw the answer in her sister's eyes. "How the hell could this have happened? How could you keep this a secret? How'd you even find him?"

"I couldn't tell you," Phoebe said, "I knew how you'd react. You and Paige wouldn't understand. Besides, at first I didn't understand it either. It shouldn't've been possible."

"Tell me," Piper insisted.

Phoebe shook her head, "I don't think you're ready to hear about it. Besides, he's gone and I'm the one raising them with your help and they'll be good witches. Will it really matter that Cole is their father?"

"What?"

The photo slipped from fingers and Phoebe watched it flutter to the floor as her heart began to pound. Terrified that she might not see whom she thought was there, she turned slowly. "Cole?" she gasped. She turned back to her sister, "I don't understand, how can he be here?" Her legs trembling, she managed a dizzy step towards him, "You're here? How'd you know about the future?"

"I told you to wait in the kitchen!" Piper snapped at him. The last thing she needed was for Phoebe to become even more agitated.

Unable to tear his gaze from Phoebe's expanded waistline, he ignored Piper and hoarsely requested, "Tell me the truth, am I the father?"

Piper's concern grew as the color continued to drain from her sister's face. "Phoebe?"

Phoebe unconsciously stroked the side of her belly and couldn't find her voice to answer him. All she could do was nod.

"That night?" he croaked as he still remained frozen in place. When she nodded, he shook his head in disbelief, "That's not possible."

"It's a miracle," Phoebe agreed in a voice that sounded too far away.

Piper darted forward but couldn't catch Phoebe in time to prevent her from hitting her head on the edge of the table as she fainted. She knelt next to Phoebe and glanced up to Cole in concern when Phoebe didn't stir.

Piper's plea to help snapped him from his shock but he helplessly admitted, "I don't have the power to heal or transport her. She needs Leo."

"Leo's not an Elder anymore," Piper whispered as she gently patted Phoebe's cheeks, "he's not even a Whitelighter." She then stared up at the ceiling and screamed for her youngest sister.

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Paige closed the door to Phoebe's hospital room and joined her sister in the hallway. "We should be in there."

Piper shook her head, "Phoebe's scared enough by the contractions, and she's got a nasty headache from the concussion. The only person she needs in there right now for the ultrasound is Cole."

"Explain to me again how this is possible," Paige sighed as she followed Piper to some chairs in a small nearby seating area.

"You know everything I know," Piper assured her. "Phoebe performed a spell to send her back in time and caused one slight change that sent Cole back in time to that same night which unexpectedly produced the twins."

"She should have told us," Paige shook her head. "She should have told us she was so unhappy, she should have told us about the spell, she should have told us about him." And she glared at her older sister, "And you should have told us he was still alive."

"He's not still alive," Piper argued. Her sister remained skeptical and she insisted, "He can't stay. And we're the ones who will have to be strong enough to support Phoebe when he leaves."

As unsure as she was about Cole's return, Paige sympathized with Phoebe, "She's been so happy, Piper. Happier than I've seen her in a long time."

Piper squeezed her hand, "Then we'll just have to make sure she stays that way, even if it means accepting the fact that an invincible and slightly insane Cole Turner fathered those two children. We'll have to give Phoebe whatever help she needs in raising them to be two happy and good little children who grow up to be proud of their heritage and will help the innocents of this world."

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Phoebe was already gripping Cole's hand in anticipation of the ultrasound when the contraction hit. She turned her head and leaned into his chest as he pressed himself closer to her. "This can't be happening," she feared.

"It'll be okay," he assured her with a kiss to the top of her head, wondering if he had any business making such promises. "The doctor said they're stress-related and should go away with the medication's help."

"Okay, Mom and Dad," the technician announced when the contraction ended, "let's see your babies."

The term held no meaning for Cole until he saw the images fill the screen. Those babies were his. _'I'm their Daddy.'_ They were his babies. His daughter and his… "Are you sure you can't tell?"

"Sorry," the young woman smiled, "but, other than developmental factors, all I can tell about shy Baby B right now is that she or he will be a fraternal twin to Baby Girl."

"It doesn't matter," Phoebe whispered as the ultrasound continued, "as long as they're both healthy."

Cole kissed Phoebe again as he watched in amazement as the babies moved. "Almost as if they know we're watching," he murmured.

After several more minutes, the technician began to wipe the gel from Phoebe's belly but was stopped by Cole. She smiled at the somewhat nervous first-time father and assured him that, from what she could see, the babies were strong and doing well. Rolling the equipment to the side, she said she'd have the doctor come in to talk to them and she left the room.

Having taken the disposable towel from the woman, Cole silently wiped the gel in firm, yet gentle, strokes. He gazed at Phoebe and shook his head, "I can't believe this."

She hesitantly reached out to touch his face, "Neither can I. You're here. You're alive…" She smiled, "It's like my wish came true. Oh, Cole, you have no idea how happy I am."

Cole didn't know what to say. He was about to hurt her and he didn't want to. He wanted to stay. He wanted to watch his children grow inside her, to feel them kick, and to hear their heartbeat echo in the room. He wanted to watch them be born and he wanted to be the first person to hold them. He wanted to watch them grow up and he wanted to teach them about magic.

"Cole, what is it? What's wrong?" She began to panic, "The babies are okay, aren't they?"

Cole calmed her with a kiss. "They looked just fine, they sounded even better but you are to follow the doctor's instructions to the letter." She nodded emphatically and he smiled before kissing her again. "I know you will because Piper and Paige will be under orders to make you follow them."

"And you'll be here too," she sighed, closing her eyes for a moment. But when he didn't respond, she opened them. "You'll be here too," she repeated a bit more urgently. And when he sat down on the edge of the bed and held onto both her hands, she began to struggle, "No, you're here. You can't leave me."

"I don't want to, Phoebe," he swore, "but I have to go back."

"No, you're alive, you're here!"

"Honey, I'm not alive," he quietly told her, lightly squeezing her hands. "I've only got enough power to materialize in this world for short amounts of time and that's all the power I've got in this world. I have to go back to where I belong."

"I don't understand," she uttered as tears distorted her vision.

He gently wiped away some tears, "I'm the old friend Piper mentioned." He waited a moment for her to process his statement and when her eyes widened and her head shook, he nodded sadly, "It's where I'm meant to be now. I'm not a danger to you or your sisters and I can even help people, like Drake and your sister, and, I thought, even you."

"You did," she whispered, "you did help me. You helped me remember what made me happy." She guided his hand to her belly and moved it around in circles, "You made this happen but you've been there two years, haven't you earned your reward? Can't you come back to me, to us?"

He brought her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles, "I wish I could but it doesn't work that way for me. Limbo isn't a stop on the way to some greater reward. And I've made my peace with it." He gazed at her belly, "At least I had before today." He turned back to her and swore fiercely, "I'll be back to see them born and I'll be back whenever I can but you need to promise me something."

She nodded warily, "I'll make sure they grow up proud of their heritage, proud of their Turner name."

Amazed she wouldn't be giving them the Halliwell surname, he squeezed her hands gratefully but shook his head, "I want you to promise me that you won't give up on love." She was about to protest and quickly cut her off, "Keep your heart open to the possibility of letting someone else in. I don't want you to be alone."

"I won't be alone," she reminded him, "I'll have the twins."

"That's not what I mean and you know it," he argued.

"I love you Cole and I always will."

"I know," he couldn't help but smile, "but that's not what I want from you."

Phoebe closed her eyes a moment before conceding, "I'm not actively looking for anyone. Right now, and for the first few years, I'll have my hands full and I'm not ready to share our children with someone else. But…if someone comes into my life and is good to my children and is good to me…"

Relieved, he kissed her forehead, "Thank you." He tugged his hands free and placed them on her belly, relishing the sensations of his children moving and kicking. Impulsively, he twisted in order to lean over and kiss them, feeling Phoebe's fingers running through his hair. "I love you," he told his children, "and I will watch over you as best I can and I will visit whenever I can."

Tears streamed down her cheeks as the moment made itself more real. Cole was leaving and there wasn't anything she or her sisters could do to stop it.

"I mean it," he promised again, seeing the look of despair in her eyes. "Even if it's only for a few minutes at a time, even if it's years between visits, I'm watching over the three of you and I'll be back whenever I can."

She tugged on his shirt in an effort to prevent him from standing, "In spite of all the pain and all the anger, I'd be a fool to wish any of it away because you have made me so happy, Cole Turner. I am so happy that I can love you and that I am carrying our children."

With one hand resting on her belly and the other wiping away he last of her tears, he pressed a kiss to her forehead and confessed, "Now that's something I wanted to hear too."

Phoebe reached up to kiss him and wrapped his arms around his neck as she let her passion flow into him. She desperately needed him to feel it. As he responded in kind, she lost herself to him and barely felt the kicks from within her anxiously trying to find the strong hand pressing down.

Not surprisingly, Cole faded away in mid-kiss and she thoughtfully touched her slightly swollen lips. Bringing her other hand lower to caress her belly, she repeated in a strong clear voice, hoping he could hear wherever he was, "I'll be happy and your children will be happy and I'll see you again because I love you, Cole Turner, and I always will…"

_**the end**_


End file.
